I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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