Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Will exercising make me less horny?
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