I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
