i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
