You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
