Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he was CRYING into my vagina
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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