the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Small penises have feelings too.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
