so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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