whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
