You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
