i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
