Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
They took my balls.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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