i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
