just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
