I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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