My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
