I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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