Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
