Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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