Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
