I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
