Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
