life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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