Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
