Hey man sorry I got all grabby
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
