Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
