Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
