This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
