the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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