the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
