Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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