How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were trust falling into bushes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
