That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
