This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
