I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Acid is not a monday night drug
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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