I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
