She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
