dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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