she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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