I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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