a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
