Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
