i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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