so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
