She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
