I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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