No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
