i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
