ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
