I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
