I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
