I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
