he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
