hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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