dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm bleeding and have questions
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
