he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
