Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
