They should really pass out barf bags in church
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
