Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
